


Borderline

by vhscassette



Category: Monster Boy - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-09-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 23:35:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 16,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9465599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vhscassette/pseuds/vhscassette
Summary: [in the process of reformatting]





	1. chapter one: classrooms and cocoa powder

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to hell

The day seemed to crawl like a dying slug for Toby. Nothing interesting had happened asides from the terrifying feeling of seeing black goopy monsters resting on students’ shoulders and wrapped around their arms, necks and bookbags. Because of this, Toby sat at his table during his last hour and tapped his pencil against the table. His homework was done, his attention lost to the vacuum of generalized education. Only when a young too-lighthaired girl sat next to him did he perk up and realize he was, indeed, alive and conscious.

“Hi, Toby!” Viola chippered sweetly, paint covering her upper arms.

Toby glanced at the splatters of brightness and muttered a, “Hi, Viola. What’s with all the-”

“Paint on my arms?” she interrupted, knowing what he was going to say. “Yeah, I was in art class and I got a little bit focused on finishing a project. Asher got some on his sketchbook cover. You should’ve seen how close he was to blowing up!” she giggled excitedly, and then put her index and thumb very close together for a point she was going to make. “ _This_ close, I swear!”

Toby chuckled softly and felt his thoughts flutter away. Who was this ‘Asher’ kid? He hasn’t really been able to see him much before and recognize him; big schools have that lovely amnesiatic effect of forgetting literally everyone you see in the waves of schoolkids. “Asher is really funny, I think you’d like him! He’s, well.... He’s a bit of a grumpbutt and really likes drawing, but I doubt he’d hurt anyone. Besides, he’s switching into this class in the next few days!”

Toby snapped into attention and glanced at the table in odd confusion. ‘ _This class is Biology 2_ ,’ Toby thought in bitter confusion, ‘ _who th’hell would wanna switch into science for the last hour of the day?_ ’

As if reading his mind, Viola bubbled, “He’s switching into this class because he’s joining an extra art class in place of Agriculture Mechanics. It switched his whole schedule around, the poor kid!”

Toby felt the pieces click together and nodded, blinking gently. “Y’think he won’t hate me or think I’m stupid or anything..?” he quietly mumbled insecurely, anxious about the shadow of Asher forming in his mind.

Viola giggled softly. “Of course he won’t hate you!” she started, “He might be a bit of a doofus, but I promise, he won’t hate you. If he does, I’ll kick him square in the hiney. Sound good?”

Toby laughed and giggled out a, “Well, alright then!”

 

Almost as if on cue, another person walked into the science room before glancing for the teacher. His long, dark brown hair fell just about near his shoulders, and his eyes were dark brown like cocoa powder and oddly enticing. Something about his face screamed cynicism and his glance around the room was almost determined, a not-taking-your-shit type of look. The teen glanced around presumably for a teacher before catching Toby’s glance. The sleeves on his hoodie were rolled up to the elbow and paint of all colors splattered his arms.

In mere moments, Toby felt an interest that rippled through his heart. It rose from the lowest part of his chest up to his throat; he wanted to befriend him. A gentle warmth spread across Toby's freckled face.

Asher's glance fell to Toby and hardened in confusion before noticing Viola sitting next to him. Viola turned to see who the person was, actions quick and bouncy. Upon realizing, she happily cried out, “Asher! Hi!”

Asher rolled his eyes softly in fake annoyance before muttering, “Can y’not be so loud? I’m right here.” Mere feet split the teens apart, and Toby giggled humorously.

Viola quickly hushed herself and muttered a, “Whoopsie, sorry!” Asher waved a hand casually, forgiving her, before glancing at Toby with a blunt and interrogative stare.

“Vi, who’s the kid?” Asher muttered seriously, almost defensive of the small albino girl.

Viola, excitedly staring at Asher, squeaked happily, “He’s a new friend I made! Don’t worry, he’s not gonna hurt me like the others! I just know it!”

Toby felt bittersweet sadness crawl up his throat from the implications that that statement implied.

From this, the fiery glance that laid on Toby shifted softly to a dull burn. “Huh. So this is the kid you’ve been buggin’ me about for the past few days? Somethin’ about how he can see ‘em too?” Asher said unceremoniously, his search for the teacher momentarily forgotten.

Toby felt confusion arise before he realized, yes, a small amount of other people can see the blobby forms of monsters on people’s shoulders.

Viola nodded excitedly before bubbling, “Yeah! He has one too! The one I’ve seen is silly and seems more teasing than anything.”

Toby went red in embarrassment at his comedic monster’s ‘happy appearances’. 

Asher seemed to frown in vague judgement before muttering, “Sounds kinda fake, but… I guess if Viola’s seen it, then it’s pretty real.” Toby nodded softly and glanced away.

“It sounds fake, I know,” Toby muttered with hidden anxiety, “but I mean… I have another monster, too. D’you think we can talk more after school?”

Asher perked up in the realization that anyone could’ve been listening and glanced around with a dark glare. No one was looking back in their direction. Asher softly sighed and mumbled, “Yeah, that’s fine. Vi, you know where to go. Lead him after school, I might be a few minutes late lookin’ for the science teacher. Gotta ask him a few questions about the class-switchin’.”

Viola happily smiled at Asher and chippered, “You got it!” Toby caught Asher’s glance while Viola began rambling off about how happy she is that they made a new friend like him.

They locked eyes for a few seconds before Asher stuck his tongue out, face still blank but amusement glowing in his eyes. Toby chuckled shyly and tried ignoring how much he already wanted to be close to him.


	2. chapter two: sunlight and school roofs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> our protagonists are off being cuties on the roof of the school!
> 
> do we sense a bond forming between two losers..? only time will tell ;3  
> (also btw folks the headcanoned ages are probably 15-16, sophomore or junior year of high school n they're all in the same year. even tho i think canon atm is like 8th grade 13-15. idk. if you ever read this parano im sorry lmAO magical times folks.)

Viola lead Toby to the roof of the school when the bell rang. Were they supposed to be up there? The answer was more likely than not to be a solid no, but no one ever came up to check on them anyway. “Besides, if someone _did_ check on us,” Viola bubbled, leading Toby by the wrist, “then we can just say we didn’t know the rules! Win-win for everyone!”

Toby felt himself smile at the cheerfulness of his new friend. Viola always seemed like a bubbly girl, but he never had the chance to talk to her until now. When the discussion of monsters arose and both found out that they could see them, their friendship solidified into a solid rope that stretched across two worlds.

While Viola chipperly told a story about some cats she saw on the way to school, Toby realized just how ‘outcast-y’ they were. Viola was an absolute sweetheart who loved everyone, yet people only saw her eyepatch, too-white hair and red eyes. He noticed how people stared and stared, and more than once has Toby wanted to throw some small, indeterminate object vaguely in their direction to get them to stop.

The stairwell continued to echo.

Toby was thought of as a pervert due to his staring at monsters on other’s shoulders, however honestly he couldn’t care less about some students he didn’t even know. He was always isolated, always left alone, yet always noticeable.

Asher was, well, from what he had heard, Asher. He was a rough young man who, even though he was lanky and didn't seem like the fighting type, got into fights left and right over people insulting him and Viola. His art hung in the hallways near the art class which people tended to admire, but rumors were spread around the school and they spread _fast_.

Some thought he was abused by his parents.

Some thought Viola and him were a thing.

Some thought he was gay. And, as a result, some abused that to their advantage and attempted to go after him over accusations that might not even be true.

The thought of someone beating up Asher stirred up negative feelings inside of Toby.

  
Toby snapped into attention when he nearly tripped hard up the stairs to the roof in his distraction. _He didn’t even realize he was going up the stairs_ , he was so distracted with his inner thoughts.

Viola gasped and froze in the wait to help him before Toby managed to stabilize himself. Silence filled the stairwell, sudden shock causing the kids to remain quiet.

Then, after a few moments of silence and staring, Toby yelped loudly and reassuringly almost to himself, “I’m okay!” Giggles started bursting from his mouth in amusement towards his own dumb self, mumbling another “I’m okay!” before it disappeared in his laughter.

Viola joined in, two giggling voices bouncing off the stairwell to the roof for a few happy, peaceful moments. Evening sunlight poured into the stairwell from some windows placed there, causing sunlight to lightly melt hues of gold and orange onto their faces. It caressed their cheeks and only caused them to giggle more, less in amusement and more in happiness. For once, they felt safe, safe with a friend they cherished.

After a few more moments, they heard a low voice rumble amusedly from a flight below, “What th’hell are you two doin’?”

Viola perked up and quickly stepped over by the side of the stairs before leaning over to see who it was. She smiled real big when she caught Asher’s grinning face, obviously enjoying true laughter that he hasn’t heard in a while.

“Hi, Ash!” Viola exclaimed, her peppy voice echoing off the walls of the stairwell, “We got a little distracted.. Toby almost tripped up the stairs.”

Asher snorted before walking up the stairs to meet them. “Tripping up the stairs... Nice one, Toby.”

Toby felt warmth spread across his freckled face in embarrassment before defensively yelping, “Hey! I didn’t _mean_ to! I’m just.. I’m clumsy!”

Asher looked at him mischievously before waving his hand in denial. “Excuses, excuses,” he smugly teased, his voice getting louder as he came up to the same set of stairs they were on.

“I’m not making excuses!” Toby added, watching him with an embarrassed and frustrated expression. For a bit of time, Toby and Asher playfully bickered about Toby’s clumsiness all while Viola watched in amusement. 

Eventually they got up to the roof and Viola broke up the ‘fight’.

“Okay, you guys, relax a second!” she amusedly said with a false air of maturity, “We can’t have fights on the roof. You all know what that means.”

Asher smirked and mumbled teasingly under his breath to Toby, “It means your clumsy ass would probably trip off the roof.” Toby looked at him in fake aggravation and proceeded to kick him lightly in the ankle.

Asher yelped, caught off guard by the kick, and Viola quickly repeated with fake authority, “Hey! I said no fighting!” Asher and Toby both broke into chuckles with no further comment, grins on both of their faces.

“Let’s get down to business!” Viola started, before Asher very quietly under his breath mumbled a line from an old Disney song, causing everyone to giggle in amusement before Viola stuck her finger out at Ash. “Don’t you interrupt me with your references!” she reprimanded with a teasy smile. “Anyway, let’s start talkin’! Toby!” She started then pointed at the freckled boy, “Tell us some things about you! Favorite food, animal, color, something, let’s go!” Her voice burned with determination and curiosity and Toby blinked gently at her.

“Uh,” Toby started softly, “My favorite food is probably deviled eggs, my favorite animal is a turtle, my favorite color is blue and uh.. I have a blog about monsters..?”

Viola's face lit up with surprise. “Ooo, that’s cool! I didn’t know you had a blog!” she chipperly exclaimed, and Asher nodded slightly.

“Didn’t know anyone on the general Internet could see monsters, otherwise I would’a looked,” Asher mumbled in surprised calmness. Toby looked at the pavement of the roof in blushed anxiety before sitting on his bottom, legs curled up in a ‘criss-cross-applesauce’ position. Asher followed, then Viola.

“So, now that we have information about Toby, it’s Asher’s turn!” she happily bubbled, turning to Asher in the same way she looked at Toby before.

Asher just blinked and his face furrowed into confusion. “You already know me, Vi,” he said bluntly in a ‘ _homie-what-are-you-thinking_ ’ type of way. Viola shook her head as if the answer was obvious.

“For _Toby_ , dummy! He already knows me,” Viola said casually, brushing her pale blonde hair behind her shoulder.

Asher felt the pieces click together and he sighed before looking at Toby calmly. “I’m Asher Winters, I like drawing, my favorite color is green, I like chinese food and ah.. I…” he mumbled before letting his eyes glance away looking for something else to add. “I, ah.. I like hoodies,” he finally finished before flinging his arms in the air as if to say ‘ _there we go_ ’.

Toby smiled at him gently, focusing on his warm brown eyes and how the sunlight hit them. Asher then gently brushed a lock of hair behind his ear before glancing back at him and furrowing his eyebrows again. “You aren’t looking at my nose, are you?” Ash said with mild accusation before Toby shook his head fervently with anxiety.

“N-no!” Toby rushed without thinking, “I w-was only looking at your eyes is.. all.”

Asher blinked gently in surprise, cheeks turning a slight shade of crimson and taken aback by someone looking at him like that.

Viola, eyes wide and cheeks pink, giggled softly and mumbled sweetly, “His eyes really _are_ pretty, aren’t they?”

Toby nodded with a shaky, self-hurt smile but felt the red of humiliation spread across his cheeks and faced the ground in shame. ‘ _How could I have said that so bluntly..?_ ’ Toby thought in sadness, ‘ _He’s gonna think I’m horrible and gross and he won’t even wanna be near me-_ ’

Toby’s distressed thoughts were interrupted by a warm hand on his shoulder that made him blink in surprise.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Thanks for thinkin’ my eyes are pretty,” Asher said casually and reassuringly, taking pity on the anxious kid.

Toby glanced up nervously and shakily smiled before mumbling a ‘thank you’, all to which Ash gave a relaxed ‘no problem’.

Viola softly smiled and reassured in a motherly tone, "Don't feel embarrassed! I think his eyes are pretty, too." 

Toby knew from that point on, these people were probably gonna be his closest friends.


	3. chapter three: anxiety and scuffed up floors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toby, now in 'crippling anxiety' flavor

Days passed into weeks. Asher shifted into their last hour class and, much to Toby’s regret, is the only one they shared together. The trio often sat at the tables nearest to the door and, because of their ever-so-lovely ‘outcast’ status, no one gave a damn enough to bother them about it and left them alone. After time, Toby began to truly understand in tiny bits the one often most heard in the mouths of others. To make a long story short, Asher didn’t quite have the best parents. His mother was always busy and a bit unaffectionate, his father constantly degrading him and the art that he spent days working on. Asher, of course, acted as if this didn’t bother him a bit, but anyone who got close could see the cracks in his shell. It was also unwillingly brought to his attention via Nexus that said demon could definitely be a total douchecanoe and harass Asher throughout the day. Some days were alright, others were days that Asher spent with his head on the desk for the entire class period. Toby felt soft and quiet sorrow at the days that were like that, feeling hopeless to help someone he cared about. Sometimes, Viola and Toby would ignore their homework just to comfort the sullen boy. Sure, Toby and Viola didn’t have a perfect family themselves, but even they could tell that Asher suffered greatly and alone behind closed doors.

When the last bell rang one day and Toby was at his locker preparing to go home, he noticed Asher standing alone by the science room door. A sullen look glazed over his face, even though just moments beforehand Asher was making dumb innuendos like any other high school kid. Toby glanced at him in concern before packing his stuff in his bookbag and slinging it over his shoulders, tablet placed in his pocket. After waiting a few moments for the hallway to clear out, Toby yelled from his locker, “Hey, Ash!” Ash, startled, jolted slightly before catching his glance with a weary smile and tilted his head slightly in gentle curiosity. Toby used a hand and waved him over, wanting to have a moment of peace and truth with him. Afternoon sunlight filled the already-empty hallways, all the other students eager to get the hell out of the school. Asher sighed a little and melancholy glowed on his face for a moment before the expression faded to weariness. He walked over with a light smile on his face, trying to hide any negative emotions he felt. “What’s up, Toby?” Asher mumbled casually, leaning against a closed locker that wasn’t his. Toby glanced at the scuffed hallway floor and quietly said, “You don’t look so good. What’s wrong..?” before gazing up into the brown eyes that always seemed to entice him in the weirdest way. Asher caught his gaze back and shook his head. “Nothin’, Toby. Don’t worry about it,” he started almost instinctively before turning around and walking casually to a nearby exit door. It seemed like it was something he’s done a lot. He can't let him run away like this, not to be alone again. Not to be alone with his father, with Nexus, with the thoughts that Toby knew clouded his head. He couldn't let him fall by himself.

Before Asher could leave, Toby yelped without thinking, “I wanna have a sleepover with you!”

His voice echoed throughout the empty school hallway and caused Asher to turn around. His brown eyes were filled with confusion, eyebrows furrowed in what looked like a degrading face towards Toby. Toby felt his face flush with embarrassment once again, damning his useless mouth for speaking without thinking. Anxiousness to a high degree flooded into his chest, the pain becoming obvious when the blood began _draining_ from his face. Asher noticed this and his eyes widened in concern, his weariness fading away for a moment. He began a swift but unintimidating walk towards him. “Hey, hey, c’mon, relax,” he murmured reassuringly in his casual manner, “It’s fine. I’m just confused as to where the hell _that_ came from.” Toby felt his tongue quiver in his mouth, his head screaming over how much of a fool he is and how he should never talk again. He attempted to speak only to stammer and fueled his anxiety further before shutting himself up. Asher sighed in regret before murmuring softer, “Hey. Now, listen to me.” He softly rested his hands on his shoulders and, for just a second, used his index finger to raise his chin up to where they both caught eyes before resting it back again. Toby caught his glance and, for a solid five seconds, he couldn’t breathe. His cheeks began slowly feeling warm again, staring wide eyed at Ash’s calm and concerned attitude. It seemed Asher was skilled at calming people down, at least Toby for that matter. ‘Maybe he learns it from Viola..?’ Toby thought for a few seconds before having that thought fade into obscurity.

“Look, I.. I can’t have a sleepover tonight. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s just.. maybe some other time,” Asher mumbled softly, no longer caring about the ' _why_ 's and not wanting to spike Toby’s anxiety up further. Toby felt his neck and cheeks burn with heat but didn’t understand why. Very quietly, Toby mumbled, “.. How come..? It’s the weekend..” Disappointment and regret glowed in Asher’s eyes before he sighed softly. Glancing away, he mumbled, “My dad. That’s why.” Confusion flickered into Toby’s eyes before realizing that there could’ve been a lot more that Asher hasn’t mentioned about his father. Confidence rising in his voice, Toby muttered a little louder, “Then.. Can’t you stay over at my house..?” Asher softly looked at him and smiled with something Toby never saw before, face prickling once more. “You really don’t want me to be alone, do ‘ya?” he softly murmured with thankfulness that he never really showed. To Toby’s unknown disappointment, Asher let go of his shoulders softly. Toby giggled lightly and jokingly confirmed, “You can never get rid of me, Ashy.” Asher shook his head lightly and teasingly before grinning. “I’ll ask my dad, okay? I’ll text you with the answer.” Toby nodded at him brightly, body no longer tainted with the furling spirals of anxiety. “Yeah, I get’cha. Message me back as soon as y’can.” Toby replied before giving him a thumbs-up in interest. Ash nodded with a chuckle before giving him a thumbs up back. “See ‘ya,” Asher started before turning away and beginning to leave. Toby waved back and chippered out a, “See ‘ya!”

Moments after he left, Toby found himself remembering the hands that rested on his shoulders. He remembered the beautiful shade of brown that rested in his eyes. He remembered the calm way his voice was, only for him to hear.


	4. chapter four: goodnight, clumsy

Toby waited and waited by his tablet for a response from Asher until late in the evening. The digital clock near his bed read ‘6:42 P.M’, and impatience prickled at his chest. Sighing, he mumbled to himself, “Hasn’t he asked yet..? Did he forget?” He then quickly unlocked his tablet and messaged Asher a simple but direct question: “did u ask ur dad yet? :o”. He then put his tablet into sleep mode before flicking on the television. Channel after channel showed nothing of interest asides from some cartoons that he’s watched before. Eventually, though, the TV guide showed an animal documentary and Toby quickly perked up, selecting that channel. As much as the show interested him, he thought it would’ve been a lot better with some grumpy art-boy making silly comments along to it.  
The documentary ended and Toby was about to give up hope on the sleepover when Asher finally messaged back, his tablet chiming with a notification. He quickly fumbled with it, unlocking his tablet, when he read words that he wished weren’t true: “cant. sorry toby”. Toby felt the slightest bit of hurt, something different than he’s felt before. “how come?” Toby texted back with the tiniest prickle of loneliness. Minutes passed before Asher messaged back quickly, “dad yelled at me for the past hour, no way hes gonna let me sleep over”. Toby felt a dull anger bubble up in his chest at this knowledge, wishing his dad would just leave him the hell alone. “asher.. do you wanna talk about it?” he quickly messaged back, his attitude serious and certain. He waited and waited for an answer that never came.

Toby was snuggled in a blanket burrito, his mind constantly trailing back to Asher. Why didn’t he message back? Is he hurting? “Am I being too clingy with him..?” he quietly mumbled to himself, trying to push down the slow, melting ball of anxiety in his stomach. His anxiety for Asher slowly but steadily climbed to concern and worry. “What if he’s alone with Nexus? His dad?” Toby’s thoughts murmured louder and louder, “I’m leaving him all alone.. I need to make sure he’s okay.” This thought repeated itself until he sighed in frustration, his thoughts shattering apart to the dull silence of his bedroom. He reached a hand out of his blanket burrito to his tablet, unlocking it and going to an app that he used to voice call people with. His fingers slowly tapped to Asher’s username.

“Toby..? It’s eleven at night. What is it..?” Asher answered, sleep slightly clouding his tone enough to hide any negativity he’s been feeling. Toby felt guilt start crawling up his stomach but for once he managed to swallow it down to speak. “I.. I wanted to know if you were alright,” he spoke quietly, concern soft in his voice. Silence broke between the two for a few moments and, for a second, Toby thought Asher had hung up on him. Asher sighed softly and muffled moving noises sounded from Toby’s end, indicating that he was still there. “I’m.. I’m.. I feel whatever.” Asher murmured softly, his low voice heavy with exhaustion that wasn’t necessarily from lack of sleep. Toby rolled back into his blanket burrito, tablet near his head as he shifted his arms back into his blanket. “Asher.. Y’wanna vent to me or anything..?” Toby spoke with soft concern, wishing he could hug him through the phone. Asher sighed once more and he shifted in whatever he was laying in. “Nothin’ really to say. My dad is an asshole, Nexus is an asshole and I don’t have many friends,” he admitted with a casual acceptance, obviously trying to hide his melancholy in said acceptance. Toby frowned and felt dark indigo sadness pool in his chest, silence once more spilling between them as he thought of something to say back. “Asher,” Toby started softly, “I’m sorry.. Y’see, I wanted to invite you over so you didn’t feel lonely..” He then heard a sweet little chuckle from the other end after a bit of silence. “Tooo-byyyyyy, you care about meee!” Asher sung softly in a teasing manner, though Toby could almost hear the smile on Asher’s face. Toby chuckled shyly and nodded even though he knew Asher couldn’t see. “I do, you dipstick. You go through some pretty hard-to-deal-with stuff and, well.. If I can make you happy just for a day, then I wanna do it!” Toby mumbled bashfully, feeling warmth spread across his face and being thankful they aren’t on video call.  
With a bit of thankfulness, Asher chuckled, “Get on video call, clumsyboy.” Toby felt his face contort into mild annoyance for the world, damning his thoughts for jinxing him.

Toby giggled alongside Asher well into the early morning hours, amusement on both of their faces as they gossiped about kids at their school, new cartoons and funny memes they found on the internet. Toby, of course, could never get enough of Asher's cynicism and laughed endlessly at his comments. On the flip side, it seemed Asher enjoyed teasing Toby quite a bit about various silly things, much to where Toby flushed in embarrassment and jabbered back at him with the ever-common, "No, I don't!" It was all in good fun though, all in humor and the softest glows of affection. Eventually, weariness and lack of sleep left both of them slumbering on their beds, sleepy and close to drifting off with the other on the line. Closing his eyes for a moment, Toby softly accepted the soft silence between them and bathed in the comfort of having someone who cared 'with him'. Opening them a few moments later, he saw gentle light filtering through his window that wasn't there before. Feeling confusion slowly trickle into his head before flooding there, he clumsily fumbled for his tablet. Before, it was 3:24 A.M, but for whatever reason it was 6:47 A.M. "What the hell?" Toby giggled out in stunned confusion, not feeling like he fell asleep in the first place. The videocall had long ended, Asher presumably falling asleep not long after. Toby noticed, however, a sarcastic sounding message left by Asher minutes after he fell asleep:  
"goodnight, clumsy"


	5. chapter five: embarrassment? affection?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> toby has a bit of a talk with his friends

For that entire morning afterwards, Toby was in an odd, unfamiliar state while laying in his cozy bed. His stomach fluttered uselessly for no reason and he had zero idea if it was affection or the anxiety that constantly clung to his back. The fluttering slid up to his chest and he groaned in annoyance, rolling onto his stomach and burying his face into his pillow. Something was off, terribly off, but Toby couldn’t find the heart to ignore it. Unlike his anxiety normally, this feeling was just.. That. A feeling directed towards Asher. It didn’t hurt him, it just felt weird. And, of course, he called Viola about it via his handy-dandy tablet.

“You feel ‘funny’?” Viola questioned with concern into her phone, “What kinda funny..? Do you feel sick?” Toby shook his head, forgetting that she couldn’t see it, “No, it doesn’t hurt. It just.. It’s weird. I feel, like, anxious? But at the same time it’s like.. Almost nice?” Viola just calmly mumbled a hum into the phone, thinking of the possibilities. “Is this towards someone?” she bubbled questioningly, wanting to see if she can help her friend’s ailment. He nodded and spoke casually, “Yeah, actually. It’s for Asher.” Viola softly blinked on her end in surprise before giggling a little. “That does sound pretty interesting. What made this come up?” she chippered in restricted excitement, feeling like she was coming onto something. “Well,” Toby started bluntly, “I wanted him to spend the night, but he couldn’t. So then we called around eleven last night because I was worried he wasn’t feeling okay with Nexus and his dad around ‘nd stuff. Then we talked until like, three in the morning and then I accidentally fell asleep on him!” Toby giggled in bashfulness at the end of his statement, remembering all of the silly stuff they talked about at late morning hours. Viola giggled, hiding her amusement knowing all too well what this sounds like. “Well, maybe you-” she started gently before being interrupted by something away from the phone. “Yeah, dad?” she yelled loud, silence filling the call. “I’ll be down in a second, hold on!” she yelled once more away from the phone. “Sorry, Toby, gotta go! I’d say just think about how you feel and what it might mean, okay?” Viola sweetly rushed out, muffled moving noises coming from her end. Toby mumbled a soft, “Okay. See ‘ya!” before the call ended. He sighed in confusion and frustration, sliding his tablet away from him and laying on his side. “Viola,” he quietly said to no one, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to gather from this.” Staring at the wall blankly, he tried ignoring the ever buzzing feeling of _something_ in his stomach.

****

Toby fell asleep once more for about two hours, dreamless yet gentle until his tablet vibrated with the notification of a new message. Sleepily stirring, Toby tried ignoring it until it vibrated again. He sighed before rolling over to face his tablet and trying to focus his blurry vision on his screen. It took him a few tries to read, but apparently Asher and Viola had made a group chat and were now having a spam war. He giggled reading through the odd messages his friends had been sending back and forth, unlocking his tablet and wanting to join in on the fun. To say the least, it went like this:

“tben: what the hell are you guys doing

ashtray: finally, the spicy boy has arrived

violin: TOBY!!! hi!!! ashers being a weenie

ashtray: oh. wow. i thought we were friends. ouch.

tben: shes not lying tbh ur a huge weenie

ashtray: not as much as u like them tho tbh

violin: OOOOOOOUUUCHHHHH

tben: correct. you guessed it. the mystery of life is now discovered THANKS TO ASHER WRITZMANN”

This type of innuendo laced conversation occurred for at least ten more minutes, all parties laughing at how ridiculous the others sounded. It eventually ended with a mild spam fest of memes and sentences that just didn’t make sense yet were absolutely hilarious at the same time to the three teenagers. Toby, after completely drowning in laughter, managed to start an odd conversation.

  
“tben: so someone Please Tell Me why i woke up to you two having an absolute spam war  
ashtray: suffering.

ashtray: suffering and sleep deprivation, no thanks to you mister ‘fall asleep on me at three in the morning’ jfc

violin: awwwwwww, ashy probably has it burned in his memories

violin: toby n ashy, sittin in a tree

ashtray: viola i will like

ashtray: throw three violins into your windows

ashtray: n like probably play all star from smash mouth via radio in your house for like three hours

ashtray: if u say that again

violin: mister defensive hmm? hmm??? hmm?????? >:)

tben: yea ashy. im sure u have the most intense love burning for me behind that crappy webcam of yours

ashtray: oh yeah, ofc. bring on the romeo and juliet shit, its about to go DOWN, RIGHT NOW”

  
Toby, unknowingly, was tinged red from the implication of love. Now, of course, Viola was probably just kidding about all that. Wasn’t she? She _had_ to be. There’s no way Asher wasn’t straight, he’s... He just couldn’t be. Asher couldn’t ever really be in love with someone like Toby.. Could he? “Why am I so focused on this?” Toby mumbled softly to himself, insecurity and anxiety slowly prickling into his heart. The conversation slowly drifted on without him, and Toby set his tablet into sleep mode. He laid back on his bed, staring blankly at the ceiling and wondered why the hell he couldn’t get over this feeling like he has with every other one.


	6. chapter six: just a mistake

Toby was having a pretty boring Sunday. Somehow managing to gather newfound confidence, he enjoyed a relaxing walk to the store. His mother had given him ten dollars for himself to spend, probably enough for a soda and some candy. He noticed damp would-be water puddles in the cracks of the sidewalk he was walking on and grinned. The sweet after-rain smell flew by him in a breeze, the weather oddly enjoyable for an October morning. Glancing back up again, he knew that the store would only be a few blocks away. Toby wondered as to what he could get exactly when he turned into an alleyway. This particular alleyway was oftentimes empty and enjoyable since the lovely smell of petrichor often rested there after rain. Sure, it was probably not the smartest idea to be there, but Toby didn’t feel like caring. Besides, who would wanna harass someone on a Sunday morning?

The thing was, he froze when he noticed people step in from the side of the alley.

****

Toby felt utter panic and fear flood through him. They were kids from his school, he could have swore he’s seen them harassing Asher but god he was terrified and couldn’t remember. His body tremored once with ice cold fluid, then another. He took a wary step back before one of the kids chuckled menacingly. “Hey, buddy,” one of them started before walking towards him, “What’re ‘ya doin’ around here?” Toby felt his face contort in fear before taking another step back. The kid chuckled once more before more kids followed. “‘Saw ‘ya hangin’ out with Ashy on Friday, huh?” he started with a dangerous tone, “Our little buddy Ashy, yeah. I knew the rumors were true.” Toby felt fear and anxiety claw up his throat. “Rumors?” Toby stammered without thinking, his mouth moving on his own. His body was disconnecting limb from limb, numbness blinding him. The lead kid grabbed a metal pipe that laid in the alleyway and slammed it hard against the alley’s brick wall, causing a very loud metal twang to resonate between them. “Always knew the outcast kid would go after the fag.” the lead kid sighed in what seemed like a knowing truth, causing the kids behind him to laugh. ‘So that's what this is about!’ Toby gravely thought, the prickle of terror spiking his skin.

Toby stepped back once more before flinging himself in the opposite direction, but not before getting pushed back by another one of the bullies. He fell on his rear, pain burning through from the hard gravel piercing into his bottom. Toby fearfully glanced from side to side before standing up, needing to dash away like a cockroach in the light. The lead kid chuckled before murmuring, “Oh, but that isn’t really the real reason why I’m here. Fag or not, I know Ashy seems to have an attachment to ‘ya, so..” Toby felt cold, blue fear start flooding his stomach. ‘No, no, no, please don’t hurt me, please,’ Toby screamed in his head, the group of bullies beginning to circle around him. The leader of the group started slamming the metal pipe harder against the side of the alley, causing Toby to jump and cry out in fear. Laughing cruelly, the leader motioned at Toby to someone behind him. Toby felt arms grab roughly at his shoulders and arms, keeping him in place. Grinning wildly at Toby, the leader spoke with casual honesty, “Sorry, kid. Tell your little fuckbuddy to listen to us and this won’t happen again.” Toby shivered and felt tears run down his face. Pleading, Toby cried out, “Please let me g-go! I won’t come here again, I promise!” He begged seemingly to no end before the leader got fed up with it, not interested in listening. He took a few steps forward before lunging towards him, glimmering pipe brandished in his hands. He swung forward harshly towards his chest, and Toby felt like his ribs were breaking in the brightest, most burning pain he ever felt in his whole life. In the split seconds before he passed out in sheer agony, he felt a heavy object strike the back of his head. His knees hit the gravel, but Toby didn’t even feel it.

Blood pooled around him as he laid unconscious on the ground.


	7. chapter seven: i'd live through everything

Toby woke up to the sound of a heart monitor beeping softly. His entire body was a wreck, none of him willing to move due to the excruciating pain of simply existing. He blinked weakly, the bright hospital lights seemingly blinding him. When he regained enough strength to look around, he saw the bleary plainness of a hospital room. He saw some flowers on a table across the room and one of them even had a nametag saying who it was from, but Toby couldn’t read it from there. He heard a shuffling noise aside him and he noticed his mother and father sitting in chairs adjacent to him. They were asleep before noticing Toby stirring and immediately perked up. “Toby..” the mother said tiredly before repeating it, realizing that her son was really awake. “Toby, sweetheart, oh my _god_ , are you okay..?” she quickly murmured in panic, immediately standing up and walking to his side. “Do you remember me..? Your father? Anything that happened to you?” she started rapidly questioning, wearing Toby out even though he knew she was just being a concerned mother. “I’m fine, Mom, I’m just tired,” Toby sighed, “how long have I been out..?” Toby’s father slowly stirred and stood up, noticing his son was awake as well. “You’ve been out for two days, son..” he muttered with concern, gently using a strong hand to slide strands of hair out of Toby’s eyes. Toby grinned softly and felt his chest hurt as if he was punched there. “How badly did they hurt me, Momma..?” Toby spoke insecurely, feeling scared and small even with his parents. He saw tears glimmer in his mother’s eyes before she softly murmured, “Don’t worry about that, sweetheart. Right now, just worry about relaxing and healing up. Okay?” Toby glanced at her, tears forming in his own eyes, and nodded.

****

Toby found out that Thursday that he had suffered from two broken ribs, a minor concussion, and was bruised to hell and back. He felt annoyance over the fact that he'd already spent four days in his same old hospital bed and probably more to come. Then hit the aggravation over the thought of all that homework Toby would have to make up. The kids who had beat him up were yet to be identified, yet he was sure Asher and Viola would help him identify the kids. That is, if Asher hasn’t already attempted to beat them to a pulp. He chuckled softly at the thought before cringing because _god_ broken ribs hurt. Breathing hurt, moving hurt, everything was a downright pain to do.

So when Asher walked in that evening and Toby gasped in surprise, you could just guess how he must have felt.

****

Asher walked into the room, eyes slightly puffy and ringed with the telltale purple shade of lack of sleep. A frown was placed solemnly on his face and Toby followed suit. Silently, Asher pulled a chair to Toby’s bedside and sat in it, Ash resting his hands on the short metal handrail that prevented Toby from falling out of bed. Asher slowly gripped at the handrail, long fingers trembling before calming himself. He softly glanced at Toby before hanging his head in shame. Toby felt sadness well up in his heart; Asher must’ve figured out why Toby was beat up in the first place. After moments of somber silence, Asher took a deep intake of breath. “Toby, I’m sorry,” Asher shakily murmured, “I’m sorry, Toby.” Toby, breathing deeply and wincing at the pain of it, quickly stammered back, “Don’t be sorry, Ash, it’s-” “Not my fault?!” Asher interrupted suddenly, exclaiming loudly as his voice bounced off the walls of the hospital room. He faced Toby with shame, tears in his eyes. The eyes Toby loved so much were filled with the most bitter regret he had ever seen. Then, Asher sobbed. His head hung once more, Ash’s lanky frame trembling with cries of distress. "They said," Ash started, "that this is what you’d get if I didn’t just kill mys-self. They stopped beating me up in your place, hoping I’d give into them. This is what would happen, and they were honest!" Sobs wrenched out of his throat in agony, tears spilling down Asher's face in regret. "I just, I thought they were all talk but, _god_ , Toby. They fucking... They fucking hurt you so bad,” he cried, breath hitching amidst his sorrow. Toby kept trying to find something to say in his rapidly shaking and disappearing thoughts but failed, failed, failed. Of course Asher was wrong about blaming himself for this, but how the hell could he explain it without breaking into tears over Asher's breakdown?

Whispery and weak with tears, Asher hoarsely whimpered, "Why didn't I listen?"

****

Toby froze. The phrase rolled around in his head, building with increasing agony. He took a big breath, pain crippling his every atom. Without thinking, he slid a hand over Asher’s, which was shakingly gripping the cold metal handrail. He could feel every wriggling inch of suffering under Asher’s skin, every cold wave of agony in the ocean of pain he went through. Asher’s hand froze, following Asher himself, and his shaky sobs paused. He trembled a few times more, obviously holding back tears. Softly and with an unknown feeling, Toby mumbled, “I’m happy you didn’t listen.” His voice broke the odd static that had rang through both of their ears, Asher’s breakdown slowly subsiding to a gentle rolling of waves. Eventually, Asher truly stopped trembling, the only noticeable thing outside of each other being the soft sound of a heater rumbling through the room. Asher raised his head, his warm brown eyes filled with the same emotion Toby had seen on the Friday where he invited Ash to a sleepover. His expression was less of sorrow but more of that odd emotion and thankfulness. Toby caught his glance and felt himself unknowingly gaze into his eyes, feeling wanting of him in a way he never felt before. Without asking his brain for permission, Toby softly murmured, “I’d give up everything for you to keep being here.” Asher’s eyes pulsed with that same emotion before smiling tearily and shakily at Toby, rapidly standing up and flinging his arms around his neck in a tight embrace. Toby quickly felt a screech claw up his throat from the unwelcome pain in his chest, but he kept it in check. He weakly wrapped his bandaged arms around Asher’s back, letting a hand softly slide up his back and rested it ever so slightly closer to his neck. Asher’s head rested against Toby’s beaten shoulder, and it almost seemed like he buried himself in the crook of his neck. With this moment of pure something that Toby still didn’t quite grasp the name of, he knew one thing for certain;

He’d gladly live through one million beatings for Asher.


	8. chapter eight: denial, denial, denial

“Mom, what does love feel like?” Toby asked the next evening in the hospital room.

****

Toby’s mother looked at him in faint surprise. Toby wished for a serious heart-to-heart moment with his mother while his father was gone getting dinner. Apparently, he was also fetching Toby some regular clothes, as he was leaving that next morning due to his injuries healing up enough after nearly a week of laying in bed. “Hmm,” Toby’s mother started, “when did this come up, sweetheart?” Toby shook his head mildly, not really wanting to get into the ‘who’s and ‘why’s. “Just curious,” he muttered, a light blush spreading over his features. His mother grinned gently at him, and she comfortingly started, “Well, love is.. It’s something strong. Something.. distinct from friendship. You can love your friends, but.. Romantic love is like a whole other category.” Toby gently looked at his hands, his palms still bruised purple from dull objects that had hit him the previous Sunday. “This type of love is.. It makes you wanna do crazy things. Not in a bad way, but more.. I guess, “drive out to their house at three in the morning with cough medicine and chicken noodle soup when they’re sick,” type of crazy.” Toby’s mother mumbled with a smile, reminiscing over past memories. “It seems like you’d do almost anything for them. Protect them, support them, love them, all within reason of course.. Anyone making you feel this way, Toby?” she curiously yet softly questioned, smiling faintly with the memory of youth and first loves. Toby remembered his eyes, his voice, his beautiful smile, the emotions Toby felt when he saw him standing in the hospital doorway.

“Not really, Momma. Just curious, is all.” he responded bluntly, swallowing a lie when he gulped.

****

Toby took off his hospital gown, room empty except for a small amount of morning light filtering through the window. He didn’t really mind it being open; who the hell was going to peek into some random room in the hospital and be close enough to tell who it is? Sliding on his clean clothes, he felt a shiver run down his back. “How am I supposed to go back to school?” he quietly murmured weakly to himself, his voice bouncing off the always-too-clean white walls. He missed Viola. He missed Asher. He missed safety and afternoons on the school roof and empty sunlit hallways and friendship. He sighed quietly, putting his clothes back on when a large goopy figure began forming in the corner of the ceiling behind him. Toby felt his face contort into annoyance, hearing the ever-goopy noises of Vex forming and probably splattering soot-black darkness onto the floor and wall. “Whad’dya want, Vex?” Toby quietly muttered in agitation, not wanting to deal with him right now. “Oh, child,” Vex’s low voice smirked with mischief, “What’s with your tone? Aren’t you excited to go back home to this?” Toby chortled and muttered with an aggravated grin, “I’d rather go home to a spike bed.” He could tell Vex was amused by this answer and lowly chuckled, obviously getting a rise out of the injured boy. “I’m so sorry, little boy, but you can’t get rid of me so easily. Just be lucky those broken ribs of yours can go away and heal eventually.” Vex taunted lightly, not really feeling confronting but more like an older sibling with too much free time. Toby frowned heavily, still feeling the weight of injured ribs press against his chest. He could leave the hospital, but his ribs would take at least another six weeks to recover. More pain, fantastic!

****

Taking a deep breath and turning to Vex, ignoring the pain that spiked in his chest, Toby said a little too loud, “How about you go away and let me get ready to go? It’s already Saturday, and I wanna go home and try resting up some more in my own damned bed.” Vex looked back at him mischievously before muttering smugly, “Are you sure you aren’t going to talk to your friend, Asher? _Hmm_?” Toby didn’t like his tone and squinted in annoyance. “Are you _implying_ something, you gross blob of tar?” he whispered in aggression, staring straight through Vex. The monster, of course, shrugged in his blobby form and muttered smirkily, “I don’t know. Am I?” Toby felt his eyebrow twitch in irritation and marched angrily out of the room once he was ready. Sure, his body begged for mercy not two seconds after this march, but who cares? Toby wasn’t about to let some know-it-all monster talk about his love life.

Even if it’s true.


	9. chapter nine: you like deviled eggs, don't you?

Toby hesitantly stepped through the hallways of the school, not a single kid in his way. School started at 8:25 A.M, yet here he was, roaming the hallways like a delinquent at 7:36 in the morning to pick up a week’s worth of homework from his teachers. His footsteps echoed hollowly throughout the large, empty hallway, the smell of chemical cleaners lingering in his nose and anxiety clouding up in his chest. “What if I get beat up again..?” Toby muttered softly to himself, trying to ignore the dull pain in his chest that made it painful to breathe let alone think about getting hurt. He went into all of his classes and had a pretty lengthy talk with the teachers, most of them saying their equivalent of, “It might be a while to catch back up”. Toby, of course, knew this from the get-go, and many teachers felt pity for the assaulted boy. Those teachers told him that he’d have quite a bit of time to finish his abandoned homework. Ever thankful, Toby would often times mutter a shy “thank you,” and proceed to leave the room, giggly with shakiness and the ever-choking fear that he’d never be able to catch up in time to save his grades or his already dwindling mental state. Vex slowly slid behind him against the wall but said nothing.

The morning classes came and went with Toby knowing next to nothing about what the hell they were doing. Math was awful because of it, reading class was tolerable, and graphic arts class was okay at best. Every second of study hall was spent working on his homework and asking other kids what meant what in said homework. Now, it was lunch time; time to try and calm down before the afternoon classes. He took a seat where he normally sat, bruises still on his arms and freckled cheeks. He slid his jacket over his arms, kids staring, and laid his head on the lunch table. He wanted to go home, he wanted Asher, he wanted Viola, and he wanted to feel safe. That same moment, he heard loud, rapid footsteps towards him. Raising his head, he noticed Viola quickly moving towards him, her expression undeterminable from her pale blonde hair in her face. Then, very quickly, Viola gave him a hug-tackle, causing Toby to screech in the large lunchroom from chest pain. “Toby!! Oh my god, Toby, I’m sorry I wasn’t there! I was so terrified, your mom called us during a sleepover last weekend, oh god, Toby! She said you were hurt, and Asher was crying, and I was crying, and Toby, I’m sorry!” Viola rapidly sobbed, Toby feeling tears stain his blue jacket. Trying to hold back a gasp from his aching ribs, he softly hugged her back. “C’mon, Viola,” Toby started softly, “I’m alright. I promise! I just have some broken ribs, that’s all.” Viola, instinctively knowing how hard she was hugging, let go of him quite a bit much to Toby’s relief. She tearily looked into his eyes, Toby feeling a concerned frown spread lightly across his face. “You.. You got really badly hurt..” Viola mumbled sadly, her suffering breaking Toby’s heart. He chuckled softly and murmured jokingly, “Well, as long as I don’t walk into any more alleyways, I should be okay in a few weeks. Okay?” Viola grinned bittersweetly at him before giving him another gentle hug. He patted her back softly mid-hug and felt loved in a way that he hadn’t felt before, closing his eyes into the hug. A moment later, however, he heard a low voice call for him. Opening his eyes, Toby glanced at the person who had called for him, feeling his excitement bubble to the surface at the realization. It was Asher, carrying a plastic box of something in his hands and smiling softly at him. Viola let go noticing Asher’s arrival and perked up immediately. “Oh, yeah!” Viola chippered, remembering something, “You said your favorite food was deviled eggs, right?” Toby nodded in surprise, not quite getting what could’ve been in the tupperware box that Asher held. Asher smirked at him and murmured, “Well, Viola and I made these for you last night. Deviled eggs. The good stuff, right?” Toby felt his heart explode in affection and happiness. “Deviled eggs are the best, holy shit!” Toby yelped happily, causing his ribs to ache and the other kids to look at him funny. Did he care? Hell no, deviled eggs are awesome! Asher looked at him sweetly and chuckled, sitting across from him and sliding the plastic box over to him. “I’m glad you’re back, doofus. We both are,” Asher thoughtfully murmured, a genuine smile plastered over his face.

Toby felt a happy, loved blush spread across his face before bursting into embarrassed giggles.

 

After sharing his deviled eggs with his friends and the happy safety of lunch passed, the bell rang and students began walking to their lockers to get their class supplies. Toby sighed, slowly standing up as to not agitate his injured ribs, and Asher stood beside him patiently, his expression seeming to be deciding, hesitant. The lunch workers were all busy with their cleaning of food trays and silverware, everyone else gone from the now quiet lunchroom. Toby stood up completely before letting out a soft sigh, steadying himself. With one soft moment, however, Asher moved towards him and hugged him close, stunning Toby into surprised silence. His chest ached, but this time not necessarily from his injuries. The feelings of what had happened the previous Sunday, the terror of glimmering pipes in the damp, horrifying alleyways, the rumbling feeling of blood rushing to his head, all fell back on Toby.

He hugged back. Hard. His cheeks and eyes burned, his head filled with dizzying thoughts of affection and sorrow. Asher seemed to notice this and sighed softly, his hair gently brushing against Toby’s ear. “Hey,” Asher softly and seriously murmured, “Come home with me. We can hang out together, I already asked my dad.. Y’wanna?” Toby nodded and buried his head into Asher’s shoulder, trying not to full out have a breakdown in the middle of a messy lunchroom. Asher smiled and gently rubbed his back in light circles. “C’mon, Tobs. Save the tears for later tonight, alright?” Ash lightly murmured into his ear, causing Toby to giggle shakily and pull away lightly. Ash’s soft, gentle eyes shimmered with tears and Toby couldn’t look away. Walking backwards, Asher let go of the hug just to smile at him and wave. Then, quickly, he dashed to his locker to get supplies before the late bell rang. Toby, cheeks burning red and heart pounding, smiled and waved back.


	10. chapter ten: so easy to break?

Viola gasped in utter awe at the words she had just heard.

“You think you’re in love with-” she exclaimed loudly before having her mouth clamped shut with Toby’s hand. “Yes, yes, you heard me right, shut it!” Toby silently screeched, rapidly glancing around the crowded hallways to make sure no one was staring at them. Sighing shakily, Toby glanced at Viola’s surprised red eye. “I think I have a thing for Asher, yes. Now, I’ll let you ask more questions if you promise to tone it down on the volume, okay?” Toby muttered hesitantly. Viola nodded in assurance and honesty. Sighing in mild relief, Toby hesitated before removing his hand away. Viola gasped and all at once barraged him with silly, Viola-level of sweet questions; “When did you know? Was it when he gave you the deviled eggs? Wasn’t that sweet of him- and me too but mostly him- to do? Do you wanna date him? Do you wanna get married? Have you guys kissed?” Toby rolled his eyes lightly and held out his hands in a ‘slow-it-down’ motion. Viola immediately took a deep breath and breathed out. She then opened her eyes, much similar to a very happy puppy, and looked at Toby with wonder and utter curiosity. Toby chuckled softly and patted her head. "Good girl, good girl," Toby thought before giggling quietly to himself. Taking his hand away, Toby started off explaining casually, “Well, I mean.. To answer bluntly as to what I’m feeling for him, I think it’s a crush. At the least, it’s a crush. Do I plan to take it further? Well, I hope so, but..” Viola glanced at him in concern at Toby trailing off his words. After a few moments of hesitant silence, Toby glanced away and sighed.

“I don’t even know if he likes guys at all, Vi,” he muttered with the slightest bit of shame and bashfulness.

Viola’s sweet little face contorted into one of motherly concern and cooed, “Oh, Toby.. Don’t worry about that. I’ve known Asher for a long time and, well.. I don’t think he’d be the type of person to care if his lover was a boy.” Toby glanced at Viola much like he’d look to his own mother for support, and Viola smiled back. “Asher’s a great guy. You might’ve heard somewhere that Asher and I dated and no, we didn’t. I can say, though, that he would be very good to anyone who he loved.” Viola softly chippered in a caring, loving way. Toby felt the butterflies he got when his mom hugged him as a little kid rise up in his chest and cheeks. Giggling, he rubbed his flushed cheeks and smiled at the thoughts of hope in his head. Viola cooed an “aww!” before giving him a hug, gentle and light. Toby hugged her back for a few moments before pulling away, confidence revived and blaring through his head like speakers. “He asked me to go to his house after school today, Viola..” Toby bubbled blushily, the bell ringing as he said it. Viola looked at him, eyes wide, and bounced up and down in pure giddiness before running off to her class in the opposite direction. She giggled happily the entire way as she ran, her happy voice bouncing off the lockers as she yelled, “Good luck, Tobs’!”. Toby smiled wide, millions of tiny, happy ladybugs buzzing in his stomach. Toby’s in-love thoughts cheered, happiness fluttering in his chest.

 

Asher hummed a tiny tune to himself while sitting in his seat beside Toby and Viola. It was obvious Asher was happy about something; his eyes were bright, his chest rumbled with the cheeriness of an old video game song, and his shoulders relaxed with casualness that wasn’t seen too often. Toby couldn’t help but smile and look away, cheeks flushing. Viola, head in the palms of her hands, smiled at her two giddy friends as class waited to start. “Hey, Toby,” Asher asked lightly, “your parents said it was alright for you to hang, right?” Toby nodded and gestured to the phone in his pocket. Grinning lightly, he murmured in response, “Yeah, they said it’s fine. I just gotta be home by ten. No drugs, Ashy.” Asher rolled his eyes in fake dismay before throwing his hands into the air and lightly flopping them back on the desk. “What th’fuck are we supposed to do, then?” Asher exclaimed huffily and giggled seconds later, Viola and Toby following. Viola slipped a serious look on her face before adding, “Oh, and you won’t even invite me for doing said drugs? Thanks, guys. Real friends I got here.” Asher snorted at the absurdity of that statement and covered his laughing face with a hand. “Viola, you are literally a mini marshmallow. Y’wouldn’t do jack-shit when it comes to drugs.” Asher muttered with a dumb smirk on his face. Viola gasped dramatically before covering her chest with a pale, tiny hand. Tone almost impossibly serious, she proclaimed, “Excuse me? I’ll have you know I’ve party-harty’d pretty hard, y’know. The biggest parties-” A loud, loud laugh spiked through Asher’s chest and interrupted Viola's speech. “‘Party-harty’d’?!” he screeched with laughter, his voice stricken with utter hilarity as he rested his head on the table, his body shaking with silent laughter. Toby held his head in his hands as he giggled out a, “what the fuck, viola”, stomach jittery with laughter. Viola laid her head on the table and sobbed with laughter, "I'm going to jail, guys." The trio vibrated with even more laughter, the absurdity of their conversations too much to handle. The teacher snapped the class into attention, and the trio of students had to slow down their buzzing amusement and focus on their biology lesson.

 

Toby was writing down notes in his notebook, his handwriting a little comical but nonetheless readable. Slight scribbles of flowers, eyes and monsters were in the margins of his notebook. During a pause in notes, Asher discreetly slid a note over to Toby. Toby, of course, grabbed it just as discreetly and read it. ‘my dads gonna be gone for a few hours tonight. wanna order pizza or somethin n play video games or’, the note read in messy yet organized handwriting. Toby smiled and wrote back, ‘yea, sure. what kinda video games you got?’ Toby slid the piece of lined paper across the table and Asher was just about to respond before a blur of shadowy black wrapped its arms around Ash’s neck. Toby froze, fear freezing his insides, his mind confused as to what the hell that thing was.

Then, it clicked.

 

“Asher’s got a whole variety of games to choose from; he’s so lazy, he can’t even take his eyes off them.” Nexus purred menacingly, Asher’s eyes filling with annoyance. The teacher, along with everyone else, was none the wiser to the puppet boy who began harassing Ash. “Go away,” Asher lowly and quietly muttered with a tone of violence, “I’m trying to focus.” Nexus found amusement in that statement, apparently, and chippered loudly, “Is that so? Your little date with your little boycrush? How amusing.” Asher’s eyes widened and Toby could see he was physically holding back punching Nexus. “Go away,” Asher repeated, his tone becoming more and more violent with each moment. Toby felt the prickle of fear run down his back and arms. Nexus grinned and glanced at Toby, more than willing to attempt to destroy the things Asher held dear. He then purred towards Asher, “It’s not my fault you’d want some ‘alone time’ with him, you disgusting person. Always wanting your way with others. How can you stand pushing yourself onto someone like that?” Asher’s body stiffened, eyes widening. “I don’t do that,” Asher started quietly and fearfully, looking at Toby as if to say, ‘please, dear god, don’t believe him’. Viola angrily sighed quietly, glaring ice cold daggers at Nexus and balling up her hands. Nexus giggled and let go of Asher just to dance around the room, not a single child being able to see him. “Playing video games? Pathetic excuses, boy!” he chippered before his tone fell to something sinister and cruel. He smiled a wide, terrifying smile that showed off sharp, needle-like teeth. “You only want to have him to yourself so you can defile him, right? Right?” Nexus sinisterly smirked, his voice echoing in distortion. Toby felt his blood run cold, palms clammy in confusion and fear. He glanced at Asher and his blood ran colder. His head was against his desk, teary eyes wide in fear and couldn’t say a word due to the teacher still teaching the class, albeit not note related at this point. Viola’s visible eye was filled with anger and rage, sliding closer to Asher defensively yet subtly. Nexus gave almost a screech filled laugh, spinning around on his own axis. “Oh, what a pitiful thing humans are. So easily manipulated, so easy to break!” Nexus’s distorted voice giggled before shrieking with laughter. Asher just trembled in his seat and cried silently, unable to fight back.


	11. chapter eleven: is this all there is?

 

The class continued on, Asher laying his head on the desk and not moving or speaking for the entire period. It was obvious he was utterly humiliated, and neither Viola nor Toby had any idea whatsoever as to what to say. Toby didn’t believe what Nexus had said for a second, yet anxiety still managed to claw lightly up his stomach. Even though he had known Viola and Asher for a quarter of the school year, it was still just that; part of an entire year. As much as he hated to think about it, he simply didn’t have the clear cut verification of experience that Asher and Viola were who they presented themselves to be. Still, nevertheless, Toby just couldn’t believe the horrific accusations Nexus made about Asher; not even if the scared, quiet voices in his head muttered otherwise. Time clicked on, the trio of students forever quiet as no work got done.

 

Nexus had eventually disappeared once the calamity of the bell ringing for dismissal began, leaving Viola, Asher and Toby awkward and anxious. Viola, noticing the glances Toby was giving towards Ash, felt like this indicated they needed a moment and shuffled nervously out of the classroom. Asher, head remaining on his desk, didn’t even move for a solid minute. He expected Toby to abandon him at what Nexus accused him of. Toby silently gathered his school supplies but glanced at Asher, who he expected to get up, to which he didn’t. Toby sighed in pity before glancing to make sure no one else was in the room, teacher missing presumably to use the restroom and the students gone to leave for their homes. Softly and gently, he wrapped his arms around Asher’s neck from behind and rested there in silence. Asher stirred, head raising slightly for a moment before sighing shakily and lowering his head. Toby rested his head on Asher’s shoulder, sadness burrowing into his chest. “Asher,” Toby started with soft comfort, “I don’t believe him. I don’t believe a word. I still want to be your,”

Toby hesitated.

“I still want to be your friend.” Silence floated through the air and Asher visibly relaxed. Toby, not knowing whether or not it would’ve been okay to confess, felt regretful. Nonetheless, he snuggled into him further, wanting Asher to feel wanted by him. Quietly, Asher moved away from Toby only to face him, rotating in his seat slightly as Toby pulled a tiny bit away. Toby’s eyes met Asher’s, Ash’s eyes still as alluring to Toby as when he first saw him. “I,” Asher started with a soft hesitance, “He’s... He’s wrong, Toby. I, I didn’t do anything of what he said, I just.. I couldn’t deny it because if I did, he would’ve tried making it worse..” Toby nodded in soft understanding and waved his hands reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, I understand. He’s really horrible, isn’t he?” Toby comforted with a slight bittersweet smirk, chuckling in pity. Asher just grinned quietly at him, shame still visible in his eyes yet with the gentlest touches of thankfulness. Asher stood up from his seat, Toby taking a light step behind him as to not hinder his movement, and lightly stretched. He picked up his school materials and chipperly bubbled, melancholy stashed away for now, “C’mon, Tobs’. Let’s go home. I’m still gonna kick your ass in Mario Kart.”

 

Toby and Asher walked home, chuckling amongst themselves as they ignored jeers of ‘fag’ and ‘homos’ that came from bullies near the school. At this point, Toby knew he liked Asher. What’s the point of trying to deny things that are true, even if thrown as an insult at him? Asher appeared to feel the same, just shrugging at their various homophobic related insults. Asher only stopped walking when he heard the stinging sensation of an oddly cruel insult directed towards Toby. “It’s only a shame that that freckled face faggot didn’t die when Mark beat the shit out of him last week,” a bully loudly taunted, “Too bad his little queer of a boyfriend couldn’t protect him!” Toby felt his blood run cold as he recognized the voice; it was one of the kids who had beat him up in the alleyway, laughing as he bled out on the gravel. He felt Asher’s eyes on Toby, heavy concern resting in his eyes. Toby felt oddly protected, yet.. “Toby,” Asher mumbled quietly, his voice lined with comfort, “Are those the people who hurt you last week?” Toby glanced at him, his anxious fear causing him to shake very slightly, and nodded. Asher’s eyes filled with anger and he turned to face the bullies to walk in their direction before Toby gripped at his hand and yanked back. “No. I,” Toby stuttered with silent fear, “You can’t. They’ll.. They could kill you.” Asher glanced at him in defiance and anger. “I’m gonna fuckin’ make them pay, Toby. _I’m gonna fucking make them pay,_ ” his voice lowered, his body language stiff and angered. Toby’s body felt utter fear cling to him, not being able to handle the idea of Asher being in his place at the hospital. Eyes wide and skin clammy with fear, Toby lowly but shakily commanded, “Asher, come home with me.” Asher, shocked at this sudden forcefulness, hesitated for one moment, then two. The sun was glimmering in the distance, the late October winds brushing their fingers across their cheeks. Everything was shadowed in blue as dusk was quietly setting in, a few remaining red and orange leaves scraping across the city roads. Asher, eyes softening in defeat, let his body relax and began once more leading the way home.

Toby considered holding his hand on the way home, but remembered something he considered 'real' that his own mind had mumbled to him late one night; 'this world wasn't made for people like you. This world will spit on you and beat you in alleyways. People will jeer and attempt to crush the spirit of those you love.'

 

Toby walked a few steps of the concrete sidewalk before letting go of his hand, heart aching.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> to clarify; i'm in no way implying this is how gay people as a whole think of themselves. tobys just like.. lowkey fucked up from all this shit thats been happening. so i love yall enjoy the hell


	12. chapter twelve: welp

Asher’s house was small but cozy, definitely more inviting than what Toby heard happened to Asher behind closed doors. The color scheme of the walls was a nice variation of reds, browns, and oranges. Lots of pictures hung up on the walls, most involving Asher when he was a little boy. Toby looked closer into one while Asher was putting his school things away. In the faded picture, he noticed a now-nonexistent glimmer of happiness that shined in Past-Asher’s eyes. Toby’s fingerpads gently landed on a section of Past-Asher’s cheek, the colors of his skin and hair faded from time. What happened?

 

“Welp,” Asher unintentionally interrupting Toby’s thoughts, his back facing Toby, “what th’hell d’you wanna do? My dad won’t be home ‘till like, eight or nine because of him pushin’ some overtime hours. My mom’s off gone on some business trip a few states away, so that means..” Asher then turned around to face him and had a spooky look on his face, raising his hands up to twiddle them. “.. It means we’re gonna be all alone; where the toasty-ghosties are, Tobs’.” Toby, raising an eyebrow, smirked and muttered, “Yeah, Ash. _Toasty ghosties._ ” He paused a second before his face shifted to a ‘you’re a fucking idiot’ look and muttered in fake annoyance before giggling, “Just show me where you want me to put my fuckin’ shit, Ash.” Asher giggled in surprise and yelped, “Damn, Bennet! Fuckin’ roastin’ me alive tonight, son of a bitch!” Both teens smiling, knowing it was all in good-will, Asher motioned for Toby to follow him. “We can fuckin’, uh, stash it in my room I guess. That’s where the Wii is, anyway,” he casually said with a smirk, leading ahead of Toby. Toby nodded, keeping on his bookbag on as he followed him. Asher lead him up a staircase, his feet barely leaving a sound as he padded his way up the creaky wooden steps. Toby, wondering how sturdy these stairs were, walked up them normally only to notice how noisy they were to trained ears. Asher quickly made his way up the stairs, years of familiarity by his side, nearly noiseless as Toby watched on. Something quiet sat in his stomach and rested there. Quietly murmuring, Toby’s mind mumbled, ‘How long as he had to stay quiet this way?’

 

“Alright, fucker. Time to play some of that lit-ass Mario Kart, I call player one, you’re gonna get your ass kicked and there’s no stopping the ass-kicking train, you know it, yadda yadda,” Asher blabbered smirkily, booting up the Wii in his tiny bedroom with a mildly big television. Toby smiled and sat on Asher’s messy bed, feeling a bit warm-cheeked at getting a glimpse into his life this way. His creaky wood floor was strewn with empty boxes of charcoals, some paint tubes, the occasional water bottle. His closet door, which was slightly ajar, showed canvases that were drawn with various types of media. His television had some stickers on the plastic sides with some anime show he must’ve watched years ago. His dresser drawer had an arrangement of deodorant, many different kinds of Axe cans, and some energy drink bottles from months ago. On his walls, some posters of bands he liked were pinned, with the rare homemade painting that he enjoyed. Toby smiled, almost lovingly at how _warm_ Asher’s personality was. No mistaking it, being friends with him is something he could never regret.

  
Asher, who was first crouched to turn his Wii on, stood and stretched, television on and the Wii home menu ready for use. He turned to Toby, mischievous smile plastered on his face, and confidently said, “Welp, fucker? Ready to get roasted by the fuckin’ best player ever?” Toby, his love-filled glance quickly shifting to determination, smiled smugly and murmured glancing away, “You must be into some kinky shit there, Ash, because we all know you’re gonna get fuckin’ beat. Like, with a belt. My belt, in fact. Like, you’re gon-” Asher raised an eyebrow in a ‘you’re-gonna- _what_ -now?’ manner, a light flush on his face with the biggest shit-eating grin that ever existed. Toby felt his voice trail off at his awkward wording and winced, his face quickly shifting to a ‘i-can’t-believe-that-just-came-out-of-my-mouth’ expression. Asher opened his mouth to say something, grin spread far across his face, but Toby interrupted. “Dont’- just, I know what you’re gonna say. I know, you don’t even.. You don’t even need to say it. Just, y’don’t gotta, Asher Writtzman. I know what you’re-” Toby said, his voice squeaking due to how embarrassed he was. Asher, grinning wickedly knowing he’d never get a chance like this again, loudly interrupted, “You’re gonna beat me with a _belt_ , Toby? Particularly, _your_ belt?” Toby’s face flushed and shook his head rapidly, voice increasing in volume and cracking noticeably. “We don’t need to talk about this, Ash-” “ ‘ _You must be into some kinky shit, Ash! I’m gonna beat you with my fucking belt, Ash!_ ”" Asher yelled loudly, imitating Toby good-spiritedly while leaning back in laughter. Toby, eyes clenched shut and face beet red in heavy embarrassment, yelped back, “Alright, fuckin’, we don’t gotta _talk_ about this, Asher-fucking-Writtzman, can you please, like, let me live uh _thank you_?” Asher’s body convulsed with laughter, his peals of giggles breaking the calm music of the Wii menu. “I can’t believe that Toby-fucking-Bennett is the kinkster of the group!” Asher giggled loudly in sarcasm. Toby felt even more embarrassed at the fact that, while he was laying on the floor with laughter, Asher’s face was just as red.


	13. chapter thirteen: where we stand

The ‘belt’ would eventually become an inside joke within the trio of teens, but for now, Toby sat flusteredly in Asher’s bedroom as he tried to race ahead of him in Mario Kart. Asher, clutching the Wii Wheel, twisted it back and forth while yelping as he fell off the technicolor rainbow on the TV screen. “Son of a fucking- Ugh,” Asher grumbled in aggravation, “You’re real lucky someone hit me with that green shell, Tobs’. Otherwise, you woulda’ gotten beat. With uh, with..” A smirk had slowly spread across his face. Toby frowned and had to restrict a glare. With a smile that slowly lead into giggles, Asher continued, “With a, y’know.. With a fuckin’..” Toby rolled his eyes and, upon finding that Asher was respawning near him, hit his digital kart with a red shell. “With a fuckin’ belt- Oh my god, Toby!” Asher screeched, once more being knocked off the edge of the rainbow road. Toby blew a raspberry and sped past him on the map, his character slowly rising far above Asher’s rank. Eventually, as time passed and as the sun slowly set as indicated by Asher’s window, the two boys began playing less for enjoyment and more for the eye stimulation. It was a pleasant distraction, Toby thought, from the multitude of thoughts that wandered in and out of his head. These thoughts more or less tended to revolve around Asher, getting bullied and/or assaulted, or the blinding fear of rejection. Glancing over at Asher, Toby found that the colorful light that glowed from the TV screen made him look pretty handsome. A determined frown was etched into Ash’s face, his long, brown hair contrasting with his eyes. Toby blinked. How far had they come? Did this mean anything to him? Was Toby just, as always, a friend to Asher? Suddenly, to Toby’s fear, Ash’s eyebrows furrowed and his eyes closed as if annoyed by something. “Your kart fell off the road,” Asher mumbled quietly as he focused on the TV, Toby once again confused as to what he was supposed to feel.

 

Asher’s old but still-working digital alarm clock read 7:08 P.M, and Toby was determined not to stare at him that way anymore. ‘I knew it,’ Toby’s mind muttered to himself, ‘I knew he noticed me. God damn it, me, why d’you gotta ruin this shit..?’ Fear quietly crawled around in his stomach, accidentally taking Ash’s lack of talking as Ash taking offense to this, or even worse, disgust. Toby kept making mistakes in the game, letting karts pass him and not using invincibility stars or blue shells when Asher was in first place. Eventually, Asher sighed and paused the game. Toby’s nerves jumped and he cringed within himself, feeling like the inevitable was coming. He was horrified at the idea of Asher hating him, of thinking he was disgusting for loving another boy. Toby couldn’t relax _even_ _when Viola had said he wouldn’t mind earlier that day_. His trembling thoughts buzzed wildly in his head before Asher managed to break the silence. Asher sat his controller on the floor before turning to face Toby. “Dude,” Asher said in a knowing tone, “what’s goin’ on with you?”

 

Toby felt his blood run cold. He utterly  _ hated _ all-or-nothing moments like this; it was a choice between confessions and silence. A crippling belly-up feeling spread from his stomach to his limbs and caused him to tremble. “No, no, Asher, I-.. I’m fine,” Toby reassured shakily, Asher raising an eyebrow in a half lidded expression of ‘ _ sure, jan _ ’. Toby’s inner self was screaming, screaming for him to run, cover his mouth, swallow cement if it meant that he didn’t have to confess. His skin quickly paled as he was watched by a curious Asher, Toby’s freckles now pointing against his sheet-white face. “Is it from earlier today? With Nexus?” Asher questioned as if going off of a mental list one-by-one. Toby shook his head, feeling fearful nausea throb in his stomach and chest. “With the bullies and what they said?” Asher questioned again, to which Toby hesitated for a few moments before shaking his head, feeling like crying as Asher got closer to the truth. His eyes burned with tears and Asher stiffened in concern before taking a long pause and sighing. The digital clock ticked by minutes. Toby felt sick to his stomach, the choice between confessing and hiding causing an eternal stalemate within his head.  As Toby moved to stand up, to run away from his issues just like everything else he faced, Asher dashed for his hand and slipped his long, slender fingers around Toby's. Toby tearily looked at him, confused and hesitant of everything he once knew. Asher, voice vulnerable and desperate to know the answer to the question that's burned in Toby's head for months, asked only this;

  
“Do you love me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally


	14. chapter fourteen: sirens

Moments trickled by, both boys slowly coming to a slow but pure realization. Toby, face pale yet unable to reject the truth, smiled in silent agreement. Asher's face softened and he chuckled, shaking his head as he did so. "Toby, you're the most anxious loser I've ever met," Asher mumbled with a smile, brown eyes shining with hope. Toby shakily giggled, anxiety loosening in his stomach and cheeks now flushing in embarassment. Toby couldn't help but tremble in his sneakers; even though a weight was lifted off his shoulders with this confession-but-not, his adrenaline had been crashing through him like lightning. Asher noticed this and was about to say something when Toby noticed plumes of black smoke and embers drifting past Asher's back window. Toby's eyes widened in confusion and grimaced, not quite understanding why smoke and embers would just... _exist_ outside his window. Asher, eyebrows furrowing, reached back to steady himself as he twisted his body around. "What th'hell are you lookin' at-" Asher quietly mumbled to himself before his mouth dropped slightly in the same quiet confusion as Toby's.

Asher's mind had clicked it first, eyes widening. "Toby, it's time to go. _Now._ Forget your shit," Asher lowly commanded, standing up and nearly tripping on the hardwood. Toby, with yet more anxiety from not knowing what was happening, bubbled back in his stomach. "Is there a- uh, a fire?" Toby stammered, voice trying to steady itself. Asher shrugged and sighed in fearful annoyance, eyebrows furrowed and eyes clouded with a million things he needed to do. Immediately, Asher dashed down the stairs, peering to see if there was a fire in the kitchen or living room. Toby, trembling yet disobeying Asher's good intentions, grabbed his bookbag from Asher's bed with shaking hands. He checked to make sure his tablet was in there, slid his backpack on, and was about to make his way down the stairs when Asher yelped loudly from below. "Toby! C'mon, we gotta get out of here! The neighbor's house caught fire and it's gettin' too close to ours!" Asher yelled in loud concern and tinged with fear. Toby's head was spiraling with panic as he heard firetruck sirens in the far off distance. He raced down the staircase, stomach hurting. _What if the house catches fire? What if it burns the whole neighborhood down? What if something happens and we can't get out because I was too slow? **What if Asher can't get out? What if we burn to death?**_ **_Whatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatifwhatif_**

His foot skidded on the last few steps, and Toby found himself face-first on the hardwood. His knees and arms ached from hitting the floor, cheek sore from slamming against the wood flooring. His chest heaved, unable to catch his breath from his ribs restricting him. His chest burned and his head buzzed with rushing blood. His eyes burned with tears and his vision melted and blurred, cheeks quickly becoming wet. " _Asher_ ," Toby cried out, heart pounding in fear. Sobbing into the floor, he cried, "Asher, I'm scared! I'm scared, I'm scared, I don't want this anymore!" Toby didn't hear the footsteps that quickly dashed to him and jumped when he felt arms slide under his. Quickly but gently, Asher lifted Toby from the ground. Toby's knees shook when his feet hit the ground, and his body didn't want to support himself. Asher held Toby steady, pausing for a few moments before it became apparent that Toby couldn't handle the suffering he'd been dealt with, physically nor mentally. Toby kept trying to breathe deep, pain spiking in his chest each time. His body quickly became wracked with sobs as he leaned into Asher, cries spilling out of his throat. Asher sighed gently and pulled him close for a few moments before glancing out one of the window that faced the neighbors. He frowned at the bright flames that rose and climbed up near the bushes that connected the houses together. Holding him tight, Asher slid an arm under his knees near his bottom and lifted him up, his other arm holding his back. Toby wordlessly sobbed into the crook of his neck, arms wrapped tight around his neck.

Asher, a little slower from the extra weight, walked to the front door. "Don't move your head. Alright? Just keep close to me," Asher quietly muttered, to which Toby nodded tearily. Asher opened the door and gently closed it behind him, walking down his porch. Both boys immediately felt the bright heat, the tingling feeling of fire burning the side of their faces. Toby's face was buried into Asher's neck, eyes squeezed shut as he whimpered in quiet fear. The boys both smelled smoke and Toby coughed away from Asher and the fire, his lungs already burning from a lack of oxygen due to his ribs. Asher's pace quickened, Toby feeling the terrain shift from pavement to grass. The heat shifted off of them as Ash sighed quietly, his tone relieved. "Welp, Tobs', we're good now," Asher mumbled with a weary smile as Toby pulled away from his neck, Toby's eyes red and puffy. Toby looked from Ash to the fire, eyes widening at just how big the fire was and, more importantly, how close they were to the fire. The house was at least two floors tall, much similar to Ash's, and it could be easy to assume that the house was primarily wood. His blood ran cold for a moment realizing they walked mere feet from where fire burned up once-jade colored bushes. Toby gently let his feet hit the cold grass, Asher letting go of him as Toby stood on his own. The sun had set quite a bit ago, yet the sky was still very lightly gradiented with a shimmer of baby blue near the curve of the Earth. Firetruck sirens rang throughout the city as the two boys stood, motionless, in front of the fire.


	15. chapter fifteen: red-blue

“Are you two alright?!” Viola’s concerned voice pierced through the cellphone’s speaker. Asher cringed slightly at the loud spike of concern, his anxiety still a little queasy from the crazy day they’ve had. Firetrucks had already came and blasted the fire away with water; it was all a matter of waiting for Toby and Ash’s respective parents to arrive as they sat in the dewy grass. “Jeesh, Vi’, I already told you we’re okay. ‘f you keep screamin’ like that, you’ll blow out my phone’s already-shitty speakers.” Ash mumbled teasingly, causing a still-shaky Toby to chuckle. “Yeah, Viola. I’m, uh, Asher and I are okay.” Viola sighed in relief before piping up again, “Did your house get burned up, Ashy..?” Ash glanced at the fire, unable to tell his house’s damage in the mild darkness. “No clue,” he started, still looking towards the charred remains of his neighbor’s house, “but my neighbor’s is screwed. ‘Wonder how that happened.” Toby, who was leaning against Asher more for the reason of hearing Viola, leaned closer into Ash for comfort. It was a  _hell_  of a day. Ash gently wrapped an arm around him and pulled him closer. “That’s really awful,” Viola sighed melancholically, “I wonder what they’re gonna do.” Asher shrugged, forgetting she couldn’t see, and sighed. “No idea, to be honest. Hopefully they get it figured out,” he responded quietly. A few police cars were lined up and down the road, their lights glimmering red-blue-red-blue as if waiting for someone.

Toby suddenly felt a prickle of fear in his head. “Ash, was there anyone in the house..?” Toby questioned shakily to Asher, nausea slowly building in his stomach. Ash’s eyes vaguely widened in the dark and shook his head quickly. “No,  _god_  no, Toby! His car wasn’t even in the driveway. He’s alright,” he comforted quickly, attempting to soothe the already-overdriven nerves of Toby. Toby sighed and hugged him once more, tired of feeling scared. “I just wanna fuckin’ go to bed,” Toby muffled through Asher’s jacket, causing Ash to chuckle quietly and hold him closer with one arm. “Doooooon’t worry, Tobs’. Your momma will come pick’ya up soon enough.” Asher consoled with a casual type of loudness, smiling gently.

****

Asher’s father was the first one to arrive home, not at all happy at the idea that his house was nearly burned down. The call with Viola had ended a while back, and Asher immediately shook Toby as gently but as seriously as he could. “Toby, let go. My dad’s home,” he muttered quietly in Toby’s ear, anxiously rushed. Toby immediately stirred and let go, sleepiness still clouding his movements. Toby rubbed his eyes and yawned as a middle aged man with a sharp face walked up to them. “Asher, what happened here?” the man sharply interrogated, making both the boys startle. Toby noticed how quickly Asher had stiffened, how quickly his attitude changed. “Neighbor’s house caught fire. I don’t think it spread to ours,” he said calmly, Toby feeling fear at how angry Ash’s father generally looked. “And this kid? Who’s this? Is it that, uh,” he snapped his fingers in rushed annoyance, “Tony? Toby! That kid?” Asher quickly nodded and Toby stiffened up, feeling like his whole life was wide open to the man that he’s only heard of in Asher’s home-life rants. “Well, Toby, I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’m Kent, Asher’s father,” Kent sighed, his face weary just as Asher’s is. Toby nodded quietly and looked away, thankful that, even with the occasional flickering red and blue lights, darkness made it possible to not need to look people in the eye. Kent sighed once more and glanced back at the house. “Have you checked the house since then, Asher?” Kent questioned curtly, causing Asher to mumble a quiet ‘no’. Kent frowned and looked back at him. “Well, why didn’t you?” he interrogated, annoyance and anger glowing in his voice. Asher, weak as it was, visibly held back a sigh as he shook his head. “The police didn't tell me I could. I'm sorry,” he said helplessly, almost as if this conversation has been played before with every different type of outcome. Kent angrily huffed and began walking towards the house. “I don’t understand why a smart kid like you can’t walk into a fucking house and do obvious shit. Can’t you fucking do shit on your own? God damned idiot,” his voice echoed with anger as he walked away, slamming the front door shut behind him. The light in the kitchen turned on, bright light now glowing on Asher and Toby’s faces. Toby let his hands trail to Asher’s shoulder, gently shaking him to get his attention. He was utterly stunned, words failing to come to mind as he looked at Asher, his face ashen and smiling shakily. “Y’see,” Asher started with a quiet but ‘obvious’ tone to it, “this is, this is why I don't really like home.” Toby saw tears glimmer in Asher’s eyes faintly, smile still shakily plastered on his face before the tears subsided.


	16. chapter sixteen: late night cityscape

The stars glimmered faintly over the boys’ heads, Toby slowly slipping a hand into Asher’s. Asher hung his head and gripped back quietly. The gentle ambiance of their town rumbled in the background, a train humming a chord in the distance. “Asher,” Toby quietly questioned, leaning into Ash’s face, “d’you wanna walk to the store..? Mom gave me money for pizza, but I wasn't able to use it before the fire." Asher lifted his head, cheeks ashen and tear-streaked. “I don’t know, Toby. My dad, well,” Asher warbled nasally, eyes softened with tears, “he might not want me to go anywhere.” Toby frowned and squeezed his hand once more. “Even if I asked?” Toby pleaded softly, just wanting to have Asher anywhere away from here. Asher then hesitated for a moment as he gazed sadly into his eyes. He sighed in defeat before sliding his phone out of his pocket and texting his father. “He wouldn’t do it for me. Maybe for you, though.” Asher quietly mumbled, the glow of his cellphone illuminating his puffy eyes. Toby smiled with a tone of bittersweetness.

****

“Maybe we can like, get a soda or some candy. I got an hour and a half before my mom’s gonna pick me up here,” Toby softly said with a hopeful smile, wanting to raise Asher’s mood by even a little. Asher put his phone away and, with the lightest tease of a smirk, replied, “What about McDonalds? Let’s have our first date be a twenty-piece nugget eating contest. Whoever wins has stomach pain for the rest of the night.” Toby giggled loudly at Ash’s humor. Even with their weird relationship, Toby couldn’t help but feel at home with Asher. “Good plan, good plan,” Toby chuckled, “as long as I get a kid’s toy with that, please and fuckin’  _thank_  you.” Asher snorted and rolled his eyes, nodding in absolute agreement. “Yeah, can do. Oh! How ‘bout ordering like, a  _shit ton_  of kids meals, right? And then we sneak over to Viola’s house,” Asher schemed, ‘walking’ his index and middle finger in midair, “and then we just toss them into her window. That, or just leave them ominously on her front porch. She’ll wake up and be haunted by at least twelve cold kids meals at her fucking doorstep.” Toby and Asher looked at each other like they found out the most brilliant plan for a solid eight seconds and nodded. “Yeah!” “Good plan!” The two boys then hesitated for another moment before bursting into laughter.

****

The two boys were about to ‘scheme’ further when Asher’s text-tone went off; some old obscure anime theme jingle. “Weeb,” Toby snarked, earning a chiding ‘shut up’ from Ash. Ash's eyes lit up once he finished reading the message. “Dude, he’s letting me do it! Only because you weren’t able to get dinner yet, he said. Fuckin’ sweet, let’s go!” Asher exclaimed happily, smiling wide and already jumping up on his feet. Toby chuckled and stood up, frowning slightly in dismay at his wet-from-dewy-grass pants. Asher smiled thankfully at Toby before reaching out for his hand and pausing suddenly. Moments passed as the two realized a pair of eyes were burning on them from the kitchen window. Asher, retracting his hand without fanfare, lead the way as they left the front yard to the sidewalk without a word.

****

The two teens wordlessly yet briskly walked a few blocks away from the house before mutually sighing in fearful relief. “You felt what I did?” Asher anxiously muttered, focusing on the city lights that glimmered left and right. “Yeah,” Toby affirmed, unnerved by the fear of actually getting caught by Asher’s dad. “I’m guessin' that type’a shit is a no-no?” Toby giggled shakily. Asher glanced at him half-lidded in a ‘take a good guess’ expression. Toby smiled weakly and stared down at the cracked pavement, feeling the same shame from when he got jeered by cruel bullies pound in his stomach. Asher, noticing Toby’s anxious shift in mood, put an arm around his shoulder without fear. “C’mon, Tobs’, don’t worry ‘bout him,” he comforted loudly, smirking when Toby looked up hesitantly at him. “Out  _here?_  He can’t do jack shit. He’s probably too damned busy inspecting every fucking floorboard for burn marks,” Asher giggled with confidence. Police sirens whirred in the distance as cars drove back and forth by them. The wind coldly blew through the two teens, but Toby couldn’t feel a thing. Not when Asher was so confident, so loud, so

****

_him._

****

No one was quite like him.

"Off to McDonalds! Right, Tobs'?" Asher chippered. Toby chuckled and nodded. "Off we go, I guess.

 

By the way, I'm _not_ having that twenty piece contest with you. I'd win."


	17. chapter seventeen: late night mcdonald runs

The two teens walked into the McDonalds, Toby cringing slightly at the bright yellow lights of the establishment. Curious, Asher nudged him gently and asked, “Dude, how much y’got on you? I have like... a scrunched up five.” Toby chuckled and replied slyly, “Well, my momma gave me two five dollar bills ‘nd told me to give back the change. What, d’you plan on cashin’ out pranking Viola?” Another light jab to the stomach from Asher left Toby in giggles as they walked to the front. “Well, fuckin’, we’re set on cash, I guess. Whad’ya want, Tobs?” Asher questioned, glancing to his pocket for the five dollars and the McDonalds menu. Toby bit his lip in indecisiveness, eyes scanning the digital menu as a cashier politely yet expectantly waited for their order. The indecisive and fearful pit in Toby’s stomach grew, unable to make a choice as Asher deadpan stared at him. Smiling awkwardly, obviously unsure of a choice, Toby shrugged. It always took him at least a few hours to mentally recite an order to fast food joints, and he had only spent about two minutes thinking about it. Asher rolled his eyes and walked up to the register, sighing with a well-known familiarity. “Hiya, uh,” Asher started to the cashier, “can I get a, uh, ten piece chicken nugget, a large fry and uh.. a vanilla milkshake for here, please?” The cashier politely smiled and nodded before chipperly saying, “Of course! Your total is $9.49.”

Asher glanced over his shoulder and gently held his hand out for one of Toby’s fives. “I’ll pay five, you’ll pay five and I’ll give you it back later or some shit,” Asher said, half lidded with boredom and relaxation. Scared to not comply, Toby smiled with shaky yet almost aggravated anxiousness and handed him a five. Lightly toned in an almost questioning type of disbelief, Toby muttered quietly, “Takin’ orders for just yourself? How selfish.” Ash rolled his eyes and raised his eyebrows, mouth curled in a grin, “Boy, do I look like I eat that much? I’m sharing it with you, numbnuts. If I didn’t order at this point, we’d be here all week.” Toby, surprise and an odd negativity flushing his cheeks, felt his sweaty hands grip nothing. Ash noticed this and chuckled before turning back to the cashier to hand them the money. The cashier smiled happily before handing Ash a piece of thin, slippery paper. “Your order number is 219, and here’s your receipt and change,” she chippered.

The boys sat in a booth across each other, food piping hot and milkshake cold as Ash began opening the chicken nugget box. Remnants of annoyance slowly bubbled in Toby’s stomach, an unwelcome and, frankly, an unwanted feeling towards Asher. Sighing a bit quietly, he murmured, “Don’t make decisions for me, Ash. I’ll get quicker with stuff.. eventually.” Ash, brown eyes already flashing with pity as he looked away, nodded in apology. “.. Sorry about that. ‘Didn’t mean to like.. baby you or anything. ‘Won’t do it again, Tobs’.” Asher guiltily murmured, spreading their food upon the brown tray given to them with their food. A faint sad smile spread across Toby’s face before he gently nudged Ash with his elbow. “C’mon, don’t get sad-soundin’ with me. It’s alright,” Toby chided lightly, picking up a chicken nugget and eating it. Asher smiled softly and popped a nugget in his mouth. Mischievous yet lighthearted smirk suddenly spreading across his face, Asher chewed, “ ‘Better be, or else the belt’s comin’ out.” Toby nearly choked on his food.

“Mention the belt one more fucking time, Writtzman. _One more time!_ ” he hissed across the table, eyes and cheeks aflame in embarrassment as Asher loudly giggled.


End file.
